Mourning is a natural process in the face of loss, real (death of a loved one, a break up) or symbolic (loss of an abstraction: identity, youth...). Despite being a human process, it is expressed differently in each person.
In this article we will approach mourning in a holistic way, with its expressions and consequences at a psychological, physical and energetic level.
In the field of psychology, psychoanalytic theory is key to understanding the process our psyche goes through when in mourning: the ego invests libidinal psychic energy (desire, not only in its sexual form but energy understood as connection, affection) to an object (a word here understood as the instrument that provides us with satisfaction, such as activities, people, places), when it is lost, the ego undertakes the task of taking back the energy that it invested back into itself. We have not elaborated a mourning as long as we do not recognize our emotions and have expressed them.
It is as if a part of us had left with the lost object or person. Because indeed, our energy that we had invested in that relationship is no longer there, we must recover it.
Although mourning is a natural process, there are pathological griefs. We can recognize them when we cannot process/accept that loss. In them, it is not a part of us that leaves, but our entire person. There are different reasons for pathological grief to occur, such as a lack of support networks to help us process the loss, a weak or fragile self, previous personality disorders, etc.
If you notice that you or someone else is experiencing depressive feelings, loss of hope, or even thoughts of death derived from a loss, it is time to go to psychological therapy.
On a physical level, a bereaved person is very likely to neglect what I call "their basics," which are healthy eating, physical activity, proper rest, and socialization. In the words of patients, it is as if they wanted to "let themselves die". Despite the deep pain, the overwhelming sadness, taking care of one's own body is a non-negotiable act of self-care. Failure to carry out these measures is a sign of a lack of self-compassion.
In some traditions, such as the Buddhist or the Toltec, the need to be aware of our own finiteness, as well as everything else, is highlighted. Not being aware of this constitutes the fundamental impediment to being able to really be in the present. In toltequity, it is highly recommended to use our death as a wise adviser that will promptly remind us of the ephemeral nature of things and therefore what is the priority.
To overcome a duel you have to go through it, we cannot rush the process or our emotions. Most people who figure it out realize that honouring that relationship is key to accepting that it's gone. Honour what you learned from your ex-partner, put into practice the values your father passed on to you, share the joy of that relationship with someone. All this makes that emptiness become bearable and even fertile.
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