Anger... is an emotion that in its most intense form of rage can block our rational thinking to the point of only acting impulsively. Who hasn't experienced that lack of control? Or in a reaction formation, suppressing anger until it manifests itself through some symptom or illness.
Unfortunately, anger often gets a very bad rap. In consultation I almost always find her at one extreme or the other: on the one hand, people who from a very early age learned to repress it, since "whoever gets angry, loses" or, on the other, people who lived in their early childhood in hostile, violent environments, where anger was a terrible commonplace.
Anger is one more emotion, which, if well channelled, can be a great ally to adjust our internal navigation system about what is right and what is wrong for ourselves. Thanks to anger we realize when we are being treated incorrectly, thanks to it we know that a person has trespassed our personal space and is also present when there are injustices. If our ability to hear it is blocked, either because it's the only thing I feel or because I don't allow myself to feel it, we can't set adequate boundaries that guarantee our safety.
Low doses of anger, then, are necessary for our survival, but if I have realized that it is a very constant emotion, that it escalates quickly and that I cannot manage, then I have problems with it.
How to better relate to my anger?
First, we need to recognize that it is an emotion with which you have issues and that you need to be aware of it on various levels. In order to transform your anger, you have to recognize it and understand what it is trying to say to you.
Analyse if you have prejudices or echo phrases regarding your anger, for example "anger is bad" or "everyone is against me". Recognize if you tend to be hostile, hyper critical or passive aggressive. This, not in order to judge you but in order to recognize your real situation.
Follow the guidelines below to begin relating to your anger in a more mindful and healthy way.
The anger in my body
The physiological response of anger is evident if we pay attention: temperature rises, there is tension in our body, increased heartbeat, among others. At the behavioural level, it makes us act aggressively. The frontal cortex (rational thought) can go into background action, being rather neurotransmitters such as glutamate and norepinephrine that take control, generating stress.
Be aware of the signs and sensations your body is giving you of anger so you can take action to manage it before it escalates out of your control.
What causes my anger?
That is THE question to be answered. Ask it to yourself.
There are internal factors that can trigger our anger, such as some concern or discomfort, or external factors such as a disagreement with someone, frustrations...
However, in the case of excessive and recurring anger, the reasons may be deeper and found in the past. Being angry with one of our parents, with life because of the luck we have had, as a link through the imitation of the character of someone significant, are examples of more existential anger, to say the least. At the bottom of these perceptions almost always lies the perception that we have not been treated fairly.
Our environment may also be constantly triggering anger. If you don't agree with your context, instead of justifying it, realize that you can modify it. You don't have to put up with something that doesn't make you happy.
Strategies to apply
Body
· Deep breathing: this strategy almost always works when we are still at calmer levels. Place both hands on your stomach and as you inhale inflate it, as you exhale your stomach relaxes. Breathe exclusively through the nose.
· Tense and relax: Consciously tense different parts of your body and then, exhaling through your mouth, relax them.
Mind
· Redirect attention: look at an object that catches your attention. Describe it out loud or in your mind.
· Quiet place: think of a place that generates relaxation. Visualize yourself inside it, pay attention to the details of this space.
· Distraction: sometimes we only need a few minutes to prevent our impulsiveness from showing up. Distract your attention with a photo or a memory that is pleasant to you.
While these strategies can help you manage your emotion in the moment, the point is to understand the message behind your anger. For this I recommend a therapeutic process.
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