How many times have you been faced with a task or idea and a subtle but persistent voice tells you that "you have to do it perfect"? The voice begins to take a toll to the point that you put that project aside, or it ends up turning into a nightmare? What was supposed to be fun, enjoyable, an adventure mutates into a monster that will make us see, once again, the inadequate person that we are. This is your perfectionism.
From this point of view, perfectionism is a predator that we have disguised as self-improvement. It has social validation since we almost always associate it with being thoughtful, ambitious and persevering. Nothing could be further from reality.
Perfection is a concept that has to do with the perfect, that is, that which has no defects or errors. Perfection has already reached a maximum level of development. None of these points apply to human nature, since we can always improve while we are alive. To improve we need to make mistakes, the central point in any learning curve.
In some cases, we can trace the roots of this tendency to our family history. Perhaps our parents or primary figures were hypercritical or downplayed our efforts. Perhaps they themselves suffered the consequences of their own perfectionism. Other cases may be different. Nobody asked us for the best grades or results, but even so, we had to "do it perfect" or be perfect. This may be due to an Id or “self” (psychic structure that contains our personality and character) that is too punitive (punisher) and rigid which overwhelms us in the face of any perception of failure. From the perspective of clinical Psychology, this tendency is in the core of deep sources of suffering.
Every time we allow this voice to escalate, we are being our own perpetrators and victims at the same time. The inevitable consequence of this is that we stop enjoying our chores or we procrastinate them. Perfectionism is at its core a self-sabotage.
In order to fight this predator and prevent it from advancing, we first need to recognize it. Sometimes it is shown in a clearly sadistic way, insulting us or making fun of what we are or what we have done. Other times it is more subtle, more passive-aggressive, and manifests itself through backhanded compliments, sarcasm, or intimidation. Whatever its form, call it by its name: self-sabotage.
Once well identified, we can proceed to question it: I don't think they've made fun of me, I don't think that this mistake means failure, I'm learning, it's normal and necessary to make mistakes, my goal is to have fun, etc. They can be good examples of questioning. If you have found that this voice is too overwhelming for you, then stop it completely, challenge it and ask it to leave if it is not going to contribute anything constructive.
In any case, it is worth exploring in a therapeutic process when your perfectionism originated and who influenced its appearance. Thus, we can disarticulate it definitively.
Let's normalize then, make mistakes and enjoy the process.
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